I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
