Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
