I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
