You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
