No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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