We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
