I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
