We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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