I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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