even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You can't just leave with hair like that
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
