I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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