I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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