Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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