She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
