My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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