this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize