3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
