im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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