i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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