wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
