Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
