You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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