I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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