All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
