I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have post one night stand depression
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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