Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
