theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
