There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
