then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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