Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
