you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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