that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
