she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
