why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
