I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
