I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
