I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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