so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
