i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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