i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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