I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Randomize
