i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
