His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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