btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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