Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
