He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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