I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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