so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she pinky promised me she was 18
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
