I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
