Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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