i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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