i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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