I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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