It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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