He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
