I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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